No Charlie Murphy

I had so much fun there at the Improv and he was so funny! Surprisingly he's alot shorter in person, and..

I didn't really go see Charlie Murphy. My friends did. I had a more experience filled trip though. I went to my girlfriend's family's friend's home to celebrate the birthday of a family friend's. Up until now, I didn't realize how accomplished the guy was.

It's always the same. I get there. Practice my spanish. Feel alienated first few minutes. I say hi to absolutely everything (emphasis on everything). It begins routinely, but it always never ceases to build up to something unexpected.

Tonight it was dancing. Amidst being with my girlfriend the whole night, I had a conversation with her aunt-in-law. It's funny. I noticed myself not listening to her but hoping my girlfriend and her brother wouldn't leave me. I by no means am fluent in spanish as I lead people to believe.

Lucky for me, my girlfriend and her brother did leave me alone with their aunt-in-law. She was talking about Dominican Carnival, and how people whipped each other with intestines? I lost her after the first minute. It got bad when I started to laugh because of how I am just literally staring at her face hoping she gives off some facial expression so I could return it with the same expression. I was doing facial diplomacy.

Then we got into an interesting political conversation so I could at least command what she was talking about.

'Y como son los haitianos in el republico dominicano?'

'Negro.'

Shortly after that my girlfriend came around and saved me. The dancing was about to begin. As much as I love dancing though, I hate dancing in these situations. I love dancing with my girlfriend (my best dance partner though, is my sister). Having my every move being watched by her entire family can be a little intimidating.

The night ended with a final group dance-off. Me with the aunt, my girlfriend with her father. We danced next to each other.

Even though I wasn't dancing with my girlfriend, I kinda was.

If it's brown flush it down!

Now, preliminary reason why (if any), I think we should get an automatic flush toilet.

I am sure many with siblings (or without) can relate to this issue.

There are many times when I walk into the bathroom and I get caught. I get caught so bad that I have to hold my breath and not breath in the heavy smell of feces that may or may not linger physically.

Tonight it happened again.

I walked in to wash my face with bar soap (even though I am advised against it), and the smell hit me. Goddamn it. I yell '***** did you make a DOOKIE?' and *** nonchalantly replies 'Yes.'

SO the shit literally hits the fan and I am declaring that the madness stop RIGHT NOW. Now mind you I have tried many a time to protest against this. I have put the cat's kitty litter on *** bed. I have purposely NOT FLUSHED *** business since *** left it there. This is all of course on top of the constant bitching and moaning I have done in lieu of these shitty situations.

By far THE WORST times I have been caught are when I get surprised. By surprised I mean the following:

You walk into the bathroom, all howdy doody, thinking nothing is wrong. Bathroom is clean and untouched. The sink is dry. The toilet paper is where it should be. Virtually a desolate bathroom that you know damn well was vacant for 'x' amount of time.

-And then it happens.

You expect to take an innocent piss when like a comet to the face, you lift the toilet seat and what appears before you manifests itself suddenly like the devil cock-slapped you with thorns! The sleeping dookie. The dookie that sleeps and does not give away its location.

The toilet just metal gear solided your unsuspecting ass!

I get so pissed and frustrated and this stupid repugnant shit. Whats worse is that the person doing it is not even, by the laws of sexual nature, not theoretically supposed to do so! I hate have a fucking ****** who can be so disgusting and without shame!

No shame! No shame!

Conclusion. For fuck's sake, flush the goddamn toilet.