Learn to play Guitar.. in 6 easy steps!

Well well well.. if the title of this post didn't grab your attention already, you can pretty much guess what this post is going to be about.. There are three things I love about guitar, one is how easy it is, two is how hard it is, and three is how "argumentatively retarded" it can be.. let me explain.
You know what I never ceases to shock me, people who own guitars.. and never touch them. (I smiled as I finished typing that). Another thing that never ceases to amaze me is how easily people are impressed. Today, was FCAT day, and we did NOTHING! The entire class went mad, insane, crazy, nuts, loco, retarded, flipped, and every other adjective for losing your mind. The juniors were extremely annoying. Playing their "Backstreet Boys", speaking their "spanish". It was horrible. Keep in my mind, the computer programming academy is a "man zone", and there were only about four girls in the entire class. You can imagine the amount of testosterone that flows in the room.
Lucky for me Carlos came with his guitar! (And some other kid had one too, but it was "steel string", a type of guitar I don't like much) They both got together and Carlos started teaching him. Eventually I got up, said "Hey, I'm fucking bored, why not try my hand at some guitarra?", where Andres responded with "Dude? What the fuck are you talking about?" And I was off.
Now back to my philosophy behind guitar. I think I strummed about three chords, and little Estefany (spelled with an "E" now,) and she thought I was fucking God. The kid was impressed too, (I was playing on his guitar) and so was Lissette, and anyone else who stood around to listen. I didn't have much to play though, not like Carlos who's like a dictionary of music. I did represent with the "Redemption Song", and "No Woman No Cry".
Anyway, back to what I was saying. Guitar is easy. All you have to know is how to strum "rhythmically", and your chords. And on electric guitar, bitch please. (I smile again).. When I was "Jamming" with David, I noticed how fucking simple it is to play his rock music. Especially with the distortion. The sounds are so distorted, no one notices if you slip or not!
The reason I say it's also hard, is because of playing "Arpeggio" (basically finger-picking, which I aspire to play)..and "Tremelo", call them "drum rolls" with your fingers. (I mostly play these styles because well, it's what guitar was made for. It's real guitar.)
Lastly, the reason I say it's "argumentatively retarded" is because most people will go "Bitch you don't know what you're talking about! Guitar is not easy!" Or some may say, "Classical guitar is for wimps" and vice versa. I'm just going to be honest. Guitar is easy as fuck. And once again, it always surprises me when I hear people own guitars, but they never touched them.(I mean at least tell me you know how many strings are on it! Shit.)
And so with that, I'm going to leave you with my easy step-by-step program..

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"D*****'s Step-by-step Program to Playing Guitar! Now only 6 Steps!"
Step 1: Pick up your guitar.
Step 2: Hold it firmly by the neck with your left hand (that long skinny part on your guitar wheere the strings are.)
Step 5: Now take your right hand, and strum up and down the chords.
*Step 6: You're God now! Go annoint some homeless man your messiah, watch and have fun! (Make sure to give him two stones with your own commandments written in crayon!)*

*Note: You are not God. Do not perform this step. If you were god, you wouldn't need to learn to play guitar.*

(Steps 3 and 4 are not included in this program because they're so fucking obvious they needn't be mentioned. Unless you suffer from a disability that impairs your common sense and logic, uhhh.. e-mail.)
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