She shouldn't cry every night because she'll dehydrate herself..

You know, it sometimes isn't fair.

A young woman getting a life threatening illness, someone being left behind, someone being left alone, someone being ignored, or someone being an asshole, or a good friend leaving for no good reason, life isn't fair sometimes. But I like to keep a healthy disposition sometimes. I laugh at my dad when he gets mad. I laugh at the misfortune of others. I laugh at my own misfortune. I laugh at everything and maybe they're right when they say 'you never take anything seriously'.

I notice people find themselves alot these days and I'm happy for them. It makes me happy to see people at ease. People finally knowing who they are. It troubles me though that sometimes they find themselves in the wrong place and think its right. One pet peeve of mine that I really don't like is when people say 'you don't know what I've been through', or 'I can handle it'.

'You don't know what I've been through' means I do not know what you have been through. It suggests that no one does and only you do. It also suggests that you are justified in whatever you are arguing. So the statement is pretty pompous by itself. And 'I can handle it' suggests you can handle it. Whatever it is, you obviously must look like you have your hands full if you say that. To me it expresses that you want no one's help and in doing so you're refusing any other notion of assistance because you believe you're right.

Its little expressions like that that send me off my lid a little. Kind of yank my chain and send me up river. I still smile though. I try hard to sometimes, but I still smile. It sucks to be the one called on every weekend, but if I didn't do it then who would? I feel like I literally am the one holding the group together. Honestly if it was just me I would just hang out with my best friend all the time. I'm content with that. I don't care if all we do is sit down and watch TV together, I'll be fine; but not many people feel the same way.

I try and smile, and I try hard. The love of my life goes on another trip. I smile hard. Twice I hear someone I care about is crying.. and I still.. 'tell them they don't need to worry'.

I feel like I very close to leaving..
The love of my life is going with me; she'll always be by my side..
Who's going to be the first that tells me to come back?
Medical school, grad school, law school are all around the corner..
Who's missing me first?
Who's arms am I going to feel the most?
Who's tears am I going to share with?
Who's going to tell me not to leave?

How I hope someone tells me not to leave..
When no one doesn't, I'm still going to smile hard.
But if someone does, I'm not. See how that works?