The More You Stay the Same, the More They Seem to Change..
It's tough; expressing yourself.
A lot of times I feel cornered like I want to say something, but I can't. What if its stupid, what if people get the wrong idea? Sometimes I can't think of anything to say. Sometimes I know exactly what to say, but I can't bring myself to say it. I used to hold myself back, because thats exactly what it was; me holding myself back.
Sure I'd stutter, sure I'd find the wrong words to say it. In the end I figured what matters most is that I said it, or I did it. Middle school was hard, high school was harder, but not no more. I'm me and I have something to say, and fuck what anyone else thinks. If they think good, good. If they think bad, fuck them.
The first time I said I love you to someone besides family was a special girl from a long time ago. She fell in love with me too. She broke my heart not long after though. Sure I was sad, but she taught me something.
She taught me the difference. Its important not to hold back your feelings. Its important not to hold back because if you trust yourself you can DO anything. You can MAKE anything happen. You can CONTROL everything. When that time comes that you can't, you shouldn't be too scared. Fear is a natural feeling, so its pointless to avoid it. Crying is natural, so its futile to evade. The people that matter most will always help and never think wrong of you. Thats what she taught me.
She was what I used to be. Nervous, scared, and to myself.
I'm not scared anymore though, I broke from that. I talk like a waterfall flows from my lungs. It flows just as free, and people are free to drink. My waterfall won't ever run out. I can care too. I can care for whomever I want, I can befriend whomever I want, I can love whomever I want.
That is who I used to be, and who I am now. I can only thank my family and my friends.
My family who left again, whom I've left, who'll always leave me inside. No matter how many people I'll learn the names of, or dance with, or speak to, they'll always fade away. Only pictures left.
All my tios, all my tias, primos and primas will be forgotten. So far away and only seen every five to six years. How I wish my family was more like others. Ana's with her parties, Christina's with her southeastern relatives, or Mike and his family.
I try to cherish every moment and engrave it in my mind. In the end it never works because it turns for nothing. I've had so many relatives die and so many relatives grow up so fast I can't recognize them. Its hard to remember who you take after the most because they evidently formed you and who you are now. No one grows up alone, but they can grow up forgetting they're not.
Poor me. Heres to another couple years. Heres to another time to remember names and faces. Most of all heres to my friends who keep reminding me that I have a family (whether they know it or not).
"The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same."
(..the same goes vice-versa.)
Welcome home baby, you came just in time; like you always do..
A lot of times I feel cornered like I want to say something, but I can't. What if its stupid, what if people get the wrong idea? Sometimes I can't think of anything to say. Sometimes I know exactly what to say, but I can't bring myself to say it. I used to hold myself back, because thats exactly what it was; me holding myself back.
Sure I'd stutter, sure I'd find the wrong words to say it. In the end I figured what matters most is that I said it, or I did it. Middle school was hard, high school was harder, but not no more. I'm me and I have something to say, and fuck what anyone else thinks. If they think good, good. If they think bad, fuck them.
The first time I said I love you to someone besides family was a special girl from a long time ago. She fell in love with me too. She broke my heart not long after though. Sure I was sad, but she taught me something.
She taught me the difference. Its important not to hold back your feelings. Its important not to hold back because if you trust yourself you can DO anything. You can MAKE anything happen. You can CONTROL everything. When that time comes that you can't, you shouldn't be too scared. Fear is a natural feeling, so its pointless to avoid it. Crying is natural, so its futile to evade. The people that matter most will always help and never think wrong of you. Thats what she taught me.
She was what I used to be. Nervous, scared, and to myself.
I'm not scared anymore though, I broke from that. I talk like a waterfall flows from my lungs. It flows just as free, and people are free to drink. My waterfall won't ever run out. I can care too. I can care for whomever I want, I can befriend whomever I want, I can love whomever I want.
That is who I used to be, and who I am now. I can only thank my family and my friends.
My family who left again, whom I've left, who'll always leave me inside. No matter how many people I'll learn the names of, or dance with, or speak to, they'll always fade away. Only pictures left.
All my tios, all my tias, primos and primas will be forgotten. So far away and only seen every five to six years. How I wish my family was more like others. Ana's with her parties, Christina's with her southeastern relatives, or Mike and his family.
I try to cherish every moment and engrave it in my mind. In the end it never works because it turns for nothing. I've had so many relatives die and so many relatives grow up so fast I can't recognize them. Its hard to remember who you take after the most because they evidently formed you and who you are now. No one grows up alone, but they can grow up forgetting they're not.
Poor me. Heres to another couple years. Heres to another time to remember names and faces. Most of all heres to my friends who keep reminding me that I have a family (whether they know it or not).
"The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same."
(..the same goes vice-versa.)
Welcome home baby, you came just in time; like you always do..
posted by Darzee at 1:19 AM
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