Heart Today

(This is a tough read.)

So she left me. I still call her, and she still calls me. It always was that way. Even in the short amount of time I knew her. She was funny and cheery all the time. I met her when I was a kid really.

I never did good in school, and there I was starting all over. In a transitional period with the love of my life, I wanted to change. I wanted to try hard, to commit. I wanted my commitment to reflect my commitment with my love. I crossed with paths with her once in some orientation, and only got to know her as she led a crusade within school politics.

Being young and impressionable I joined in. Its easy to fall into something with so much passion. They called themselves by their political ideology, though I was an independent. They were the only organized and active political constituency on campus. Sure they had a liquidated executive board in charge, but such things were only orchestrated by her clever wit.

Going into this crusade for truth and order, I was inducted into this committee. I had been inducted because of how I spoke out during a meeting with the opposition. Having my vocal retort and rebellious charm speak out, I had attracted their attention.

Me and her were paired up in writing a persuasive essay, and we became friends. We shared the same sense of humor. As fucked up as that humor is, we shared and enjoyed it amongst ourselves.

Talking around the clock on the phone ensued and we become very close friends. I had found my neighborly motivation to keep me on my feet. She kept me on my academic toes. And so, in addition to feeling shame for not doing well with my love, she backed it up.

The only time we fought was when I became selfish and just took her time of need for pointless neurotic paranoia. She has forgiven me since then. And I am happy she took me back in.

So she left me. Shes now very far away. She still calls and we still laugh. I'm happy for her. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have the drive for commitment and this new hobby. Shes rubbed off on me, however I'm not complaining.



A pretty girl. She was unmistakably mysterious. Long dark hair, and mostly quiet. Mystery loves curiosity and vice-versa. It was easy to tell she was the kind of girl you would love to get to know. Listening to her every word would give way to an entire book of imagination. I never approached her at this time.

She caught me when I was in love with an intangible. Hip-hop. My love for words was growing, my love for lyrical combinations and expressions to euphoric rhythms. Upon reciting lyrics to an old hip-hop legend she called me out. She intrigued me.

Thats how we started. I don't remember how it began, but we shared spur the moment poetry. Passing notes to each other constantly. Every word and lyrics bursting from our souls spilled onto paper. Others thought this was misconduct, but we thought it was child-like fun. Paper was our playground, and we were best friends.

Evidently we grew close to each other and may have even found each other annoying. Amidst repeat separations, we still labeled each other 'best'. Unusual as that may have been, at heart perhaps we were. She says I got her into the world of outlawed art. I think it was her who got me into the world period. Prior to her, I never had any real friend. Friends were friends, but who were they really?

I love her. Nothing else could describe how I feel about her. Knowing a someone who's not your family that long, it was bound to happen. She doesn't violate me, nor do I her. I can say I love her and she understands me. Ignoring all other contexts that may be directed at us, although tough, we still remain ourselves.

She's all I have down here. She keeps me going when I can't get love from anyone else. I'm thankful for her and her bravery. I'm thankful for her poise, her purity, and her understanding. I'm definitely thankful that she dealt with me for so long. I can be nearly every negative adjective you can think of, but she was still with me.

Unfortunately, I shared one of my darkest times with her. It pains me to think of it because I did not want to hold her under such circumstances. Her tears burned my skin, and listening to her never hurt so much. I never tried my hardest to put a smile on anyone's face so quickly before. We're one and one.

Long dark hair and questionable eyes. Let me bother her as much as I please. Let me stare her down until she smiles or tosses something at me. I can laugh easily and rest comfortably. Disappointed when she goes, happy when she shows, let us stay together for as long as we can.

She's all I have down here, she gives me love. Though it isn't always given freely, she lends me her arms when I need them, her lap to rest, her shoulder to lean on, and hands to slap me.

That is why I love her. I don't blame myself for feeling sad whenever she leaves me because, I need her.



She falls into my arms. I smile and so does she. She was wearing a red sweater that hung on the side of her shoulders. She looked beautiful. I couldn't tell if she would ever go for me. I was good friends with her friend, but upon meeting her she opened my eyes a little wider.

You could say she was a klutz (maybe just around me). You could see her smile always. She had a wonderful sense of humor, and what attracted me most, she was smart. Not too many girls share wit. The little who do flaunt it with boasted sarcasm. Not her.

Besides my never keeping eyes off of her, she could always make me laugh. She introduced values to me. As I taught her to love, she taught me real love. Real love.

I loved her too much I should say. I had turned into a monster of passion and a fiend for feelings. I had never known what it was to love every part of someone. To love every whim and motion. I loved her then the same way I do now.

I love her unconditionally. Her voice still warms me, her touch still caresses my soul. Her eyes still burn into my heart 'I love you'. Sharing many 'firsts' with her, I still continue. We've overcome the 'star-crossed lovers' and closer getting our relationship recognized by the powers that be.

We'll always be together. When we're separated she's always in my heart. I can never forget her. Even through decades of time passing, I know I'll never forget her. I know we can make it. She taught me not to give up. Now I'm teaching others. She taught me so much so, that I'm doing my own teaching.

I can't write about her. My artistic muse lacks organization. In sincerity, my relationship to her lacks words to correctly define it. Nothing I ever write of us or her seems correct. As good as it may sound, it has no true perfection, and will always be furthest from.

If my life is blessed, she blessed it. If my life is fortunate, shes the reason. She is far away now, but shes always close to me.

As much as I could say, there is still much more I could say. Mind you this is all within close proximity of public view.



I spilled my heart tonight because I felt I needed to record this. I don't want to forget my feelings. I don't want to forget who I held in highest regard. Undoubtedly they still will stay there in the future, but I needed to express these thoughts nonetheless.

To you three ladies I feel for dearly, I can only hope you feel the same way. This was my heart now, today, at present. I will be seeing one of you this coming weekend.

I can't wait.