Learn to play Guitar.. in 6 easy steps!

Well well well.. if the title of this post didn't grab your attention already, you can pretty much guess what this post is going to be about.. There are three things I love about guitar, one is how easy it is, two is how hard it is, and three is how "argumentatively retarded" it can be.. let me explain.
You know what I never ceases to shock me, people who own guitars.. and never touch them. (I smiled as I finished typing that). Another thing that never ceases to amaze me is how easily people are impressed. Today, was FCAT day, and we did NOTHING! The entire class went mad, insane, crazy, nuts, loco, retarded, flipped, and every other adjective for losing your mind. The juniors were extremely annoying. Playing their "Backstreet Boys", speaking their "spanish". It was horrible. Keep in my mind, the computer programming academy is a "man zone", and there were only about four girls in the entire class. You can imagine the amount of testosterone that flows in the room.
Lucky for me Carlos came with his guitar! (And some other kid had one too, but it was "steel string", a type of guitar I don't like much) They both got together and Carlos started teaching him. Eventually I got up, said "Hey, I'm fucking bored, why not try my hand at some guitarra?", where Andres responded with "Dude? What the fuck are you talking about?" And I was off.
Now back to my philosophy behind guitar. I think I strummed about three chords, and little Estefany (spelled with an "E" now,) and she thought I was fucking God. The kid was impressed too, (I was playing on his guitar) and so was Lissette, and anyone else who stood around to listen. I didn't have much to play though, not like Carlos who's like a dictionary of music. I did represent with the "Redemption Song", and "No Woman No Cry".
Anyway, back to what I was saying. Guitar is easy. All you have to know is how to strum "rhythmically", and your chords. And on electric guitar, bitch please. (I smile again).. When I was "Jamming" with David, I noticed how fucking simple it is to play his rock music. Especially with the distortion. The sounds are so distorted, no one notices if you slip or not!
The reason I say it's also hard, is because of playing "Arpeggio" (basically finger-picking, which I aspire to play)..and "Tremelo", call them "drum rolls" with your fingers. (I mostly play these styles because well, it's what guitar was made for. It's real guitar.)
Lastly, the reason I say it's "argumentatively retarded" is because most people will go "Bitch you don't know what you're talking about! Guitar is not easy!" Or some may say, "Classical guitar is for wimps" and vice versa. I'm just going to be honest. Guitar is easy as fuck. And once again, it always surprises me when I hear people own guitars, but they never touched them.(I mean at least tell me you know how many strings are on it! Shit.)
And so with that, I'm going to leave you with my easy step-by-step program..

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"D*****'s Step-by-step Program to Playing Guitar! Now only 6 Steps!"
Step 1: Pick up your guitar.
Step 2: Hold it firmly by the neck with your left hand (that long skinny part on your guitar wheere the strings are.)
Step 5: Now take your right hand, and strum up and down the chords.
*Step 6: You're God now! Go annoint some homeless man your messiah, watch and have fun! (Make sure to give him two stones with your own commandments written in crayon!)*

*Note: You are not God. Do not perform this step. If you were god, you wouldn't need to learn to play guitar.*

(Steps 3 and 4 are not included in this program because they're so fucking obvious they needn't be mentioned. Unless you suffer from a disability that impairs your common sense and logic, uhhh.. e-mail.)
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Across 110th Street

Well today is saturday, only this time I'm not sure of what I can and cannot do. Right now I'm just listening to Bobby Womack, admiring my new cable modem, thinking about fixing my "new blog". Thursday wasn't as fun as I intended it to be, all thanks to my spanish teacher.
So what do I plan on doing today? (Well since I have no idea what the terms of my punishment are).. I think I'll plan on going out.. but not out, out.
One thing I'm definately doing is playing guitar with David. I saw the black history show at my school. It was amazing. I don't know how to describe it. I guess I "could" say it was amazing, which it was. I felt they demoralized every song, except for the Jimi Hendrix bit. So what am I going to do about this? I'm going to play every song they demoralized on guitar, and find out if playing them was "so hard" they couldn't play so well. That and I always wanted to play "Fly Away", and some Jimi Hendrix anyway.
Last year's black history show I felt was way better. This year had to many fat black women dancing, low mics, and poor sound management. (I'm smiling right now thinking about who was in charge)..
I should've performed. I'm not saying I would've made it that much better, but at least I would've done "some justice" to Bob Marley's "Redemption Song". And they had some of the crappiest power points ever made. Maybe a better thing to say would be why the fuck did they use power point in the first place. And the pictures they used were the worst. (Sadly, this year no one represented Biggie, but then again Biggie isn't exectly material for high school)..
And these gentlemen I knew, who went to perform some songs from "The Temptations" set a new standard for their music. "My Girl", and some other song I never heard before, we're both performed in such a raw state. The whole time being sung out of tempo, and a constant "hogging" of the microphone. It was quite a comedic performance. Thankfully, in their second song they turned to the audience to sing it for them, (maybe they didn't know the words to "My Girl")..
On a sidenote, during the transition of each act (when they would blackout to the two ladies whom no one heard correctly), their would be these "garbage drummers", who wore garbage bags and glowsticks giving a "Blue Man Group" feel to the whole show. Someone told me "Look D*****, they're wearing garbage bags! Just like in Africa!" Needless to say, that comment was uncalled for.. (but fuck it I laughed anyway).
Well time to start the day.. (I downloaded "Across 110th Street" in commeration of Black History month.. very "funky" song from the "blaxploitation era".. hats off to you if you know who Bobby Womack is..)
Pam Grier for life y'all..

College applications

Looks like I'm punished once again. For the same reasons.. school.
Now I know what you're thinking, what's can be so hard about school? All you have to do is follow a mindless routine of work, tests, good behavior, and being a "do-good rule follower". These, unfortunately, are qualities I cannot cope to have. Qualities I will probably never conform to.
I praise anyone who understands. Let's get som things straight. I don't like to work. I never liked to work. I will most likely pursue a career that doesn't involve work (like blinking, wait nevermind that's work.. sitting.. yeah sitting). Theres nothing wrong with me right? The last time I checked nobody liked to do work. But for some reason they do it anyway.
I don't think it's being "lazy" I think of it as taking an action to something you don't want to do. "Rebelling" if you will. Sure sure, I'm only putting my future in danger, but.. maybe I don't want a future where all that matters in a sheet of paper with grades, or some recommendations in writing by people you never want to see again. Maybe I want a future with more freedoms, and less responsibilities. Maybe I want to live on a desert island and live off the beaches, playing music, bathing in rich sunlight. Am I the only one?
I don't want to end up like some "adults" (I put that in quotations for a reason), that live there lives making money, doing something they don't want to do. It seems that all that matters in this world is money. When do people actually stop and think "What the fuck am I doing? Who knew I'd be paid 200,000 dollars a year to run a country into the ground?", or "150,000 doesn't sound bad for surgically changing people's appearances because they think they look ugly". Some people are making lots of money, but they aren't very happy. And for those that do make money and are happy, isn't that a little.. vain?
(Then it hits me, after writing so much I began to wonder.. what the fuck am I writing?)
Oh well. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one in the world that doesn't believe that "valued-life" of riches and fame. Well.. maybe fame.. but I don't care about money.. (Now I understand why I enjoyed reading about communism so much.. the "money" factor..)
Maybe one day it'll all make sense..