He Sat There and Watched Dedication

Why is he such a loser? Seriously? He sat there watching this probably taking notes. Then he sends it to me through MSN. He sent it to me with a smile on his face. He only typed 'this guy was extremely bored'. (And so were you?)

I told him 'yo, why do you do this to me?'


(You have to wait awhile. He didn't just watch moving hands, although that is what I initially expected. Don't hype yourself up though. What he did watch is still a disappointment and possibly a mark against the intelligence of humanity.)

He sat there and watched this. He sat there and watched this with an engaged look on his face. What the fuck. (No, no question mark. That was a statement. If ever there was a reason to say it, this is it.)

As if he was finished, no it was only beginning. Just when I thought he was done, there was more.

In the end he covered his ass, sloppily.
'And I watched that video mainly because I had never heard the actual song'.

My ass.

..My ass.

(I love my friends yo. But yo, I need new friends..)
Where's my snack wrap revolution homey?

The I Got Game Plan and I Don't Fit It Either

This is what I'm going to do. Every week I'm going to post a bulletin on MySpace saying, 'Soccer Thursday at 4'. I'm getting kinda antsy for more players. The games are good but we could still use more. I remember when we had TOO MANY players. That was beautiful.

Whats more beautiful is our new park. Amelia. I think I'll name one of my daughters Amelia (Cross your fingers for me, I'm shooting for alot of kids). Four BIG ASS fields. NOBODY to bother us. I'm really liking the park.

Note to self:
New soccer game plan should enforce more people playing back. Emphasis on more people playing back. Everyone wants to do shit but no one wants to wipe their ass. Lost today's game because of that. I think I'll sigh dejectedly in a moment.

Jessica is doing great in New York. I'm really excited for her. I'm excited for me too because I got her to look forward to next week! It's awesome! I can't wait!

"The only reason I'm not getting them is because they don't fit you, so you shouldn't talk."

Oh you should be so lucky sweetheart. I'm smiling, and so should you.
'I Love New York'.

Anyway the weekend is coming. My cousins are coming tomorrow. It might be a full house but fuck that. I'm in between being hospitable or not. I'll figure it out by the end of the day. Which reminds me I'm supposed to be reminded of something. I can't remember what though.

Heads up on 'Copa America', USA lost to Argentina NASTY! 4-zip. Argentina played fucking crazy. Insane handling. Didn't see the first game though.

Now all I have to do for the wedding is wax my head.
I think I could get some help with that..

In Our Zoot Colored Zoot Suits

(I am warning you all now, the following contains some words in spanish. This is a language I have not fully mastered and nor does it seem to improve anytime soon. So before you read keep in mind that if my grammar is wrong, or if I said something that makes no sense whatsoever, I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend anyone.)

I got a suit yeah yeah.
I got a suit yeah yeah.
I got my suit.
Its the color blue.
With a purple shirt too.

I went to JC Penny today. My parents received an anonymous tip that suits were cheaper on Wednesdays at JC Penny. Suits. I have never been suit shopping. In fact, I especially hate shopping for clothes with my parents. It was middle school all over again. The constant following, the thoughtless suggestive chatter, 'Do you like this?' and 'Do you like that?'. I had to listen to them though because I don't know dip about suits.

Now I'm into fitted clothing, fitted tops, baggy bottoms. Just the way I was. I like to think of it as a cross between, Pharrel, Kanye, and Common. No y'all. I don't do the Arab extra tall tee look. And I'm not a sneaker fiend. (I am fond of Ice Creams, and I swear to god if Nina gets some before me I'ma freak! Straight freak!)

There I am with my father, "the King". I like to think of him as "the King" of formal fashion. When it comes to suits and fancy shoes the man fucking knows. He used to be a shoe salesman, a pizzeria cook, a supermarket manager, a tailor, (skip forward a decade) and now a construction worker (the man works hard, so I'm proud to call him "King"). We're looking at blazers. Stripes, no stripes, solid black, solid blue. He shows me what labels are best and what labels suck just by touching the fabric, doing some weird 'elasticity test', smelling the fabric, and crunching it with his hand. Then it happened.

The department suit salesmen came onto us (ironic, and you'll see why in a moment). He was a nice guy. Nice haircut, dark gray hair, overweight, and spoke very flambo' spanish. But yo he was cool. 'Te vez lindo!' he would say. 'Tienes el cuerpo perfecto para ese traje!' with a smile on his face. He'd giggle 'ay que bello!' when I tried on my suit. I finalized on a dark blue suit and a purple dress shirt to go under, with a purple tie selected by him.

So I came up with a conclusion. When you're suit shopping you gotta have a sense of humor. I knew my dad was uncomfortable on the inside but he was smiling the whole time. I watched him as the suit guy gave a reach around to measure my father's waist line (and yeah my immaturity thought, gaaaaaaaaay). My dad settled on a black suit with a matching (my mother's words not mine) champagne colored dress shirt with handsome canary and powder blue tie. 'El corbata se da vida al traje. Se ve elegante pero con vida!' After the whole thing my dad and I went home.

I'm glad my dad is no homophobe. He's pretty cool about things like that. He doesn't really care about the lifestyles of other people, and he doesn't hold any choices they made against them. However, if I ever got those dreads I always wanted, or showed my planned pierced nipples, THEN he'd open his mouth. He's the FIRST reason why I cut my hair, while JESSICA'S FATHER was the second reason. Funny how dads do that?

Oh yeah, and kudos to Mexico for beating Brazil tonight, 2-0. Brazil played hard but that Mexican Goalie just kept fucking them the fuck over! Mexico almost squeezed another goal at the last second. Darryl you BETTER represent!

(Maybe Mexicans ARE naturally good goalies.)

My current media is classic reggae (in the order left to right, top to bottom):
"Drop Him" and "Pirate" by The Ethiopians.
Also "As Long As You Love Me" and "Barrabas" by The Maytones.

Bad Boys

So I've been guilty of alot of things in the past. I'm not the perfect guy, and I'm not a saint. One story I like to tell alot is how I jammed a school printer full of 'Gayest Man of the Year Certificates'. Another story I like to tell is how I was suspended and given referrals for verbally assaulting my programming teacher, and THEN verbally assaulting her husband. Now even though I've been guilty of alot of things, none of them compare to the worst day of my life (which I will not specify for a long time.)

(Oh, Jessica how I love you for loving me. I'm seriously so thankful that you could. Of course you know me better than anybody can. Thank you, and I love you sweetheart.)

What other bad things have I done? I've driven on the wrong side of the road (alot). I've driven in reverse on the palmetto in the shittiest car you'll ever lay eyes on, mind you with a sticker of the Virgin Mary in the rear passenger window. I've laughed at the elderly, laughed at the misfortunate. Laughed at this. Laughed at Brazilian porn. I've laughed at alot of things one shouldn't laugh at.

(Oh and I've also laughed at the ending for 'The Notebook' and during all of 'I Am Sam'. Yes, I realize I'm not a good person, and nor do I have an appropriate sense of humor.)

One thing I especially love to do is poke fun at my father. In fact I make it my business to make him do this face at least twice a day:I'm not the only one though. My sister joins in the fun too. In fact, whereas most families find it horrible and scary to have a pater familias lose it, we think of it as entertainment. Either when its my father slurring his words in english with 'Yew NOHT CAHN do daht!' or his infamous 'Que lo que PASAAAAAAAAA!' (funny story) me and my sister will be there laughing our asses off.
(Oh yeah.. Woot! Woot! For Bolivia tying with Venezuela. No offense to Venezuela, but I didn't want Hugo Chavez to win, and apparently, so did the rest of South America.)

Lately I've noticed that I'm a compulsive liar. Nothing big though, just little things. Mostly when I'm out with Darryl and Nina and whoever, and we phone a friend he couldn't come with. I'll usually say 'Oh we're headed to a party'. Granted with assistance from Nina and Darryl and whoever, they'll say 'Yo you missed it! It was NASTY!' and also add so-and-so was drunk. Nothing bad. Oh, and that time I convinced someone there was a 'Sandals' in Iraq. THAT was fucking funny. I completely forgot to disavow that it was a joke.

I titled this post 'Bad Boys' for two reasons.

The first one being I hate BET and they keep playing it at my gym, and coincidently they were playing Bad Boys (I am also looking forward to dreading watching it every day during my tenure as Speaker of the Senate). Look nothing against black people, but the channel seriously is a detriment to what black entertainment really is and black culture. I honestly feel its insulting though McGruder said it best. White people can have their MTV (which is just as, if not more atrocious and retarded).

The second reason I cannot say. But for the person out there who knows, I hope you lose sleep on it. (I love cellphones.)

I'm not a bad boy right? (Please I've heard of people doing worse..)

..Oh and kudos to Darryl for what we did to Mike's laptop before he threw us out. I'd post the link of his new homepage, but that would be offensive to prudent audiences. Awesome call Darryl.

Mourning Good Mornings

I haven't been sleeping. Yo I haven't been sleeping. Seriously I have not slept in a while. Its so bad that its become normal for me to typically see Darryl online, and we pretty much have at it till 4 in the morning when he says 'its getting late' and sleep. I haven't been getting sleep. I don't mind chilling with Darryl online, I like it actually, but seriously what the fuck. I don't like not sleeping.

So this is a typical morning for me:
5:00- I think about going to sleep.
6:00- I think its time to sleep before my dad leaves for work.
7:00- I pass out on the couch because I have no room.
9:00- My mom insists on waking me up 'D*****. D*****. Wake up, you can sleep in my room if you want its more quiet.'
9:30- I get up to move to my mom's room because the living room is getting louder.
10:00- My mom comes in to use her computer even though we have a computer in the living room.
10:30- My sister decides to shower in parents bathroom even though she has her own bathroom.
10:45- The cat comes in.
11:00- My mom comes in asking 'D***** have you seen my phone? Wheres my phone? Have you seen the phone?'
11:15- My grandma asks me if I want something to eat.
11:30- My mom's cellphone rings.
11:31- My mom's cellphone rings.
11:32- My mom's cellphone rings.
11:35- My mom's cellphone rings.
11:45- My mom comes in asking 'D***** wheres my cellphone? Wheres my cellphone D*****?'
11:46- My mom's cellphone rings and I hear outside the door, 'D***** I'm calling my cellphone! Where is it D*****?'
12:00 The cat comes in.

So you can imagine I've been pretty on edge these last couple of days. I mean, my neck hurts from not sleeping. I have a rash. A rash! On my right arm. I don't know from what but its itchy. I have no room, no privacy, and I've been changing in a tiny niche in front of my fathers door to the living room because the bathrooms are constantly being used. Did I mention that its hotter in here than outside because my grandma's always cooking? I have so many leftovers, I think if Nuclear War was pertinent now I could survive a lifetime.

I'd like to forward a thank you to Sharlin and Darryl right now for keeping me sane these past few nights. I mean if it wasn't for your jet lag I wouldn't be here right now. Holla, lordamerseh, and wun!

Lastly on a side note, it seems that everyone is going to New York but me. Ooooh how I envy them. This week is going to be crazy. I need to shop for a suit, mend some wounds, shave my head and possibly wax it for the wedding. My whole family is coming Thursday. Its going to be a Miami reunion not heard of since summer 2001.

I'm down like James Brown. BUT I NEED SLEEP!

Real Recognize Real, so.. who are you?

Today I went out to Mike's house. Phuck it, I don't care if he reads this, he needs to get his shit together anyway. So here's how it happened.. Let me start from the day before.

Apparently yesterday I went out to go see a movie with some friends. Mike didn't come because he needed to study for his online final. I guess he had been preparing for it all week. I'm pretty sure he's been talking about it all week too. So I call him off Darryl's phone to talk to him.

I caught him asleep around.. .. 12? I'm not sure. He answers the phone tired. "Bro, I'm sleeping", "What are you guys gonna do now?" and "Bro wanna come over tomorrow to help me with my final?" I finish talking on the phone with him after saying we were about to have the night of our lives (lying of course in an attempt to make him feel guilty for not studying for his exam earlier).

(Note: I awoke this morning with a pain in my right arm because of Ana's punching fear during '1408')

The night ends then. Go home, go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and like we planned, I go to Mike's house. As always he's a lazy fuck. Never getting off his ass to do shit. Pisses me off all the time. I mean toleration can only go so far.

I go to his house, and I suggest why not do your final first before eating shit? "Naw bro I can't eat and do my final at the same time". Alright. So he finishes and then he does some other shit for awhile, I don't know, World of Warcraft Forums or some shit. He tells me about his appointment on his server to go on a dungeon raid for WoW. Mother fucker.

Here comes the kicker. After all the bullshit is said and done. I'm working on his laptop, he's on his computer. He FINALLY logs into his university account. He FINALLY enters his class to do his final. And I hear "Fuck bro! I'm fucked bro!" "What the fuck guy!" "Bro this fucking sucks!"

I'm sitting there quietly.. smiling in my head.

After all his interjections I finally ask so subtly, "Whats wrong?" trying with every inch of me not to smile.

He explains the situation. "Bro, remember that final? Bro, all my class sessions end on Sundays bro. And I get on this and I find out right now my final was on Thursday." (Now at this moment I just realized everything all at once. It hit me like a bomb. He missed yesterday night with us to study, Saturday. He had been talking about his final all week thinking it was on Sunday. He had made such a big deal about it studying all week. And he just failed it.)

I wanted to do two things. One was laugh like crazy because of what a stupid lazy fuck up he is. The second was yell at him because of what a stupid lazy fuck up he is. But then he said this-

"Bro fuck it I'm gonna do it and see if he accepts it late."

So then I thought he might get away with it. But then he said this-

"Bro fuck it its pointless to do it anyway. I'm not gonna do it anymore."

So then I thought "good ol' Michael". He always knows to make the best decisions. So I just asked him, "Yo do you want me to leave so you can reassess your life?" instead of saying "I'm not surprised. You fuck up at most things you do because you stupid priorities so... you wanna play some Mario Party or do you want to kill the pain with 'World of Warcraft'?"

Now I realize this whole post is kind of mean. I realize it is a bit too far in the 'behind the back' spectrum of things. I realize this is too much of a rant against someone's character. Yo, I think he really needs help. And no matter how many times we talk to him, Darryl, Ana, no one can get through to him.

So I hope he reads this. I hope he learns something. I hope he sees this more of a social disorder intervention, instead of a dis.

Chances are, and I bet money on this, he won't. Not as long as 'World of Warcraft' exists.

If anyone is interested.. This is how I did it all..

Blogs before MySpace were much Better

I got to tear my MySpace a new asshole. I personally hate it, and if everyone is wondering what they're doing here, it's because I decided to give a tiny bit of education to them. (Took me only two lazy days.)

My MySpace will likely be shut down because I am violating alot of user agreements and copyright infringements in doing so, but I don't care. MySpace pretty much took the intellectual liberty of 'the blog' and turned it into a social whoring nightmare. I mean I'm all for networking, but theres nothing creepier than:

(Applicant walks in office)
"Hello! I'm applying for a job... sexylatinboy97!"

(Employer looks shocked after being acknowledged by his MySpace ID)
"Who the FUCK are you!?"

(Shocked look on applicant's face)
"I friended you on MySpace a year ago?"

(Look of false relief overcomes employer)
"SECURITY GET THIS CRAZY FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

(The applicant is being dragged away kicking and screaming)
"BUT YOU'RE IN MY TOP 8!!!!!"

..(Of course this is subject to change based on personal preference, hey you might actually like meeting strange and mysteriously new people off the internet, but let me stop being cliché.)

So back to my point, hopefully if people will get the point as to why I redirected internet traffic to my blogger (and I'm not expecting much). I used to use it and I plan on using it way more from now on. As far as MySpace, I'll keep 'friending' the people that matter. (Lets see if they catch on..)

I think I've done all I'm about to do with my MySpace. The picture of Darryl and Mike I think is doing it justice with the 'Mike gives Darryl's blowjobs two thumbs up!'-pose (mind you NOT my interpretation). And I'll.. change Bohemian Rhapsody some time or another.

Wonder how many people actually thought to click on the photo? Wonder if this'll catch on?

Lastly, if ANYTHING, I pretty much made my own MySpace here on blogger anyway. Thats what the comment box is for at the bottom of the page. Its perfect because, I don't have to see any annoying HTML sprites or anything annoying like that. Never much cared for it anyway.

I'm no comment whore.

Two Misses Revive Nights Out

Been trying real hard not to lose it. I mean don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents. What I'm really talking about is my Jessica being so far away..

So.. far.. away.

And worst of all we talk to each other at the most in convene time. So we talk very little.

For the next week and a half, I'm going to be 'girlfriendless'.

girl · friend · less (gûrl'frěnd'lěs)
adj.
When your girlfriend leaves you but not the immediate relationship. She leaves you to go travel somewhere far and for an extended period of time.
'Yo nigga, I just saw your mom the other day and she was BANGING! Ya feel me homey? Lordamerseh, wun, no woman no cry, waiting in vain for your love. Straight girlfriendless!'

I don't miss her, I more need her if anything. It surpasses 'missing'. I mean shes always in my heart, and theres no way anyone can really lose that.
(Yeah, technically I miss her.)

Moving on, I am spending my days with anything possible. Tried to go out tonight but as usual it didn't happen. I am seriously beginning to see 'World of Warcraft' as an incurable epidemic for assholes everywhere. I mean I'll be straight, I play Final Fantasy XI.. so I shouldn't talk.. (still way better.. harder.. and requires much dedication than that kids game).. but whatever. I'm still going out, and not forgetting my friends.

And Darryl's excuse, 'If Jorge's girlfriend isn't going, I'm not going' (referring to how he won't go out unless Jorge, his girlfriend, and at least one other member of British Parliament go).

I feel guilty not buying a phone card to talk to Sharlin. I miss her alot. She was the one I'd talk to for a bit after hours. And then I'd pass out, but whatever. Yeah, I miss her too. Sucks that shes leaving for Illinois for graduate school. To be honest, she was really my only friend in college as opposed to everyone else. I'm gonna miss looking at her face when she calls me 'nigga'.

Anyway, thats me. I'm trying to perfect this blog more. I'm mad happy to report that I just encourage a revival of an old blog; Mima's! I hope I see more of her. As for advertising our newly improved blogs, I'll think about it. I don't wanna come out and just say, "Hey! I got a new blog! Read it faithfully and please leave plenty of comments!" In reality they'll visit it once or no times, and do nothing.

So I'll think about it..

Welcome back Mima. I'm happy you're back.

Its too good to be forgotten, and too little to be linked..

She shouldn't cry every night because she'll dehydrate herself..

You know, it sometimes isn't fair.

A young woman getting a life threatening illness, someone being left behind, someone being left alone, someone being ignored, or someone being an asshole, or a good friend leaving for no good reason, life isn't fair sometimes. But I like to keep a healthy disposition sometimes. I laugh at my dad when he gets mad. I laugh at the misfortune of others. I laugh at my own misfortune. I laugh at everything and maybe they're right when they say 'you never take anything seriously'.

I notice people find themselves alot these days and I'm happy for them. It makes me happy to see people at ease. People finally knowing who they are. It troubles me though that sometimes they find themselves in the wrong place and think its right. One pet peeve of mine that I really don't like is when people say 'you don't know what I've been through', or 'I can handle it'.

'You don't know what I've been through' means I do not know what you have been through. It suggests that no one does and only you do. It also suggests that you are justified in whatever you are arguing. So the statement is pretty pompous by itself. And 'I can handle it' suggests you can handle it. Whatever it is, you obviously must look like you have your hands full if you say that. To me it expresses that you want no one's help and in doing so you're refusing any other notion of assistance because you believe you're right.

Its little expressions like that that send me off my lid a little. Kind of yank my chain and send me up river. I still smile though. I try hard to sometimes, but I still smile. It sucks to be the one called on every weekend, but if I didn't do it then who would? I feel like I literally am the one holding the group together. Honestly if it was just me I would just hang out with my best friend all the time. I'm content with that. I don't care if all we do is sit down and watch TV together, I'll be fine; but not many people feel the same way.

I try and smile, and I try hard. The love of my life goes on another trip. I smile hard. Twice I hear someone I care about is crying.. and I still.. 'tell them they don't need to worry'.

I feel like I very close to leaving..
The love of my life is going with me; she'll always be by my side..
Who's going to be the first that tells me to come back?
Medical school, grad school, law school are all around the corner..
Who's missing me first?
Who's arms am I going to feel the most?
Who's tears am I going to share with?
Who's going to tell me not to leave?

How I hope someone tells me not to leave..
When no one doesn't, I'm still going to smile hard.
But if someone does, I'm not. See how that works?